Tag: help

Year of Faith Boot Camp

I’ve been an apologist almost since I’ve been a Christian.1 I remember arguing theology in high school, uncatechised as I was, and coming up with answers that surprised me. I guess I was vocal enough that the Holy Spirit decided to give me the gift of understanding in order to preserve the Church from my heavy-handed ignorance.

The minute I realized that I wanted to spend my life teaching others about God,2 I started coming up with arguments for every single thing. Since the moment I started teaching, I was an apologist, always giving explanations rather than just definitions.

My second year of teaching, I inadvertently taught a year-long apologetics class. I say inadvertently because I thought it was supposed to be an apologetics class; I found out second semester that it wasn’t really but it was going so well that my department chair didn’t say anything. Oops? We’ll call that a little more Holy Spirit action.

The class I began that year (HSP class of 2010!) is the best thing I’ve ever done. My notes for the class are 125 pages of hardcore apologetics, answers to pretty much everything. We start the year as atheists and build to a solid orthodox Catholicism, using Scripture, Tradition, and reason to defend everything along the way. At the end of the year, I always ask if there are any more questions:

Any questions on priestly celibacy? *pause* Any questions on holy orders? *pause* Any questions on the sacraments of vocation? *pause* Any questions on any of the Sacraments? *smugly* Any questions on anything the Roman Catholic Church believes, teaches, and professes to be true?

Some student: Nope. I think you pretty much covered it.

God willing, this document will one day be a book. But soon, it’ll be a workshop! It’ll be a whirlwind version, of course, cramming something like 150 hours into 1-3 days, but you can move a lot more quickly when people are there voluntarily and aren’t going to be tested.

Here’s my plan: your parish or diocese or campus ministry or whatever sets aside a chunk of time–ideally Friday evening through Sunday evening, although we can do a short version in one day or a few evenings. We’ll have prayer and fellowship (Mass every day, maybe the Liturgy of the Hours, meals in common, even set it up as a retreat if you like) and tons of fascinating, energetic presentations building a case for the faith from the ground up.

The short version of the apologetics “boot camp” will cover the very basics:

  • Session One: Is there a God?
  • Session Two: Is Jesus God?
  • Session Three: Catholicism and Protestantism
  • Session Four: Revelation and the Church

If you’re up for a longer experience, we’ll add in some of the particulars (your choice):

  • Session A: Salvation by Faith Alone
  • Session B: The Papacy
  • Session C: The Eucharist
  • Session D: The Sacrament of Reconciliation
  • Session E: Mary and the Saints
  • Session F: Purgatory and Indulgences
  • Session G: The Church’s Moral Teachings

Doesn’t this sound awesome? Oh my gosh, you guys, I’m so excited! And it’s so perfect for the Year of Faith!

I’m thinking this will be good for people college-aged and up, although younger folks should certainly be welcomed. I’ve just never met a large group of high-schoolers who’d really be into something this hardcore. Maybe on a diocesan level….

So if you’re with me in thinking that this sounds awesome (or you just like me and want to help me serve the Lord), will you please, please help me out? Print out this page with all the basic info and take it to your pastor/campus minister/DRE/whoever. Tell them I’m practically free3 and that I’m awesome. Lie if you have to.4 If they’re not convinced, point them to any of my posts tagged apologetics or anything in the Truth category. Send them to watch this video, similar to what you’d see in Session Two, although more disjointed since my notes were in my car and my car was at a Firestone in Alabama and I was in Florida. I can do everything but 3 or 4 quotations from memory, though. Or take a look at this video, an excerpt from Session Four.

If you want to convince them that I’m entertaining, show them this picture:

Point out that I was sober. And that the clothing was a costume. But that even dressed like a fool, I’m still sporting a prominent crucifix. In the world but not of it, baby.

If you want to convince them that I’m holy, try this one instead:

That’s a breviary. Yeah, I’m totally into prayer.

Basically, I”m so excited about this that I’m just babbling now and my babbling is manifesting itself in the form of random pictures I found on facebook. So I’ll shut up and leave it in your hands–don’t you really, really want to go to all these sessions? Let’s make it happen!!

Apologetics Bootcamp

  1. By conviction, that is, not just by baptism. [↩]
  2. Which, incidentally, was the minute I found out one could do such a thing and get paid for it. You know, back when I used to want to get paid. [↩]
  3. Okay, I’m literally free. But “the worker deserves his wage” and all that (Mt 10:10), so, you know. Do what you can. [↩]
  4. That was a joke. [↩]

A Survey

Last week I asked y’all for some help and I’ve been so grateful for the responses I’ve gotten.  I know I asked a lot, though, so I thought I might just ask for a few clicks today.  Would you mind answering a few opinion questions for me?  Skip any that you want and don’t feel any pressure to write any comments, but if you have any opinions about any of this, I sure would like to hear it so I can improve.

[polldaddy type=”iframe” survey=”5073A959AFA0DB3C” height=”auto” domain=”mhunterkilmer” id=”pierced-hands-feedback”]

Ora, Labora, and Ask for Help

I’ve always been very independent.  My dad says that my first day of “school” (at the ripe old age of 2), I didn’t even hug him goodbye.  There were people to meet, after all, and things to do–who needs Dad?  I distinctly remember learning to pump on the swings, probably around age 3, and thinking to myself, “This is great!  I don’t need anything from anyone anymore.  I can do it all myself!”  Friends, I even got excited when I had my first headache in second grade because I thought that made me an adult.  Really, I was born 30.

So I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I like to be master of my own domain.  I like to call the shots.  I’ve pretty much been in charge of everything I’ve ever done; it’s that type A thing again.  The problem is that on top of being bossy and opinionated, I’m almost pathologically lazy.  Which means that, while I want to be in charge, I don’t actually want to do anything or even really make any hard decisions.  Basically, I was born to be a princess–run everything except when I don’t want to.

This back and forth between doing everything and doing nothing makes me a big fan of Augustine’s line, “Pray as if everything depended on God, work as if everything depended on you.”  Except that Augustine (and Ignatius of Loyola after him) meant for the two to be done simultaneously–hard work and complete trust in God.  I have a tendency to do them sequentially.  First, I work my butt off without asking God for any help at all.  Then when I fail miserably, I sit on my worn-out butt and pout until he swoops in and fixes it all.  I make ridiculous deals with him like, “If you want me to have a car, you’ll just have to give me one.”  Like he’s Bob Barker or something.  Either I do everything and you can sit the and watch, God, or you do everything and I’ll put my seal of approval on at the end.  No collaboration, here.  Either autonomy or ease.

But whether I’m in the working portion of the cycle or the praying portion, I’m doing it all myself.  I hate asking for help.  It’s not that I hate being helped–remember that I’m lazy–I just don’t want to seem needy.  I think it stems from a deep-seated fear I have of being too much.  I’m loud and awkward and obnoxious and emotional–everything about me is just big.1  Sometimes it feels as though I’ve spent my whole life being told to be quiet or sit down or calm down or go away and I’ve really bought into the lie that I’m just too much.2  So to cope, I want to give and give to people but I don’t ever want to take because then maybe they’ll hate me.  I hate doing dishes more than almost anything (except running and bananas, as you’ve probably realized), but I’ll do dishes at other people’s houses because I don’t want them to think I’m a freeloader.

Why, God, why???

But God loves me too much to leave me the mess that I am.  So after I gave away everything I owned and entered the convent, thinking, “Ah, now I never have to ask for anything again because everything will be given to me,”3 the Lord led me out of the convent.  Oh, and told me not to get anything–a car, a phone, a place to stay.  I spent the next 7 months completely dependent on the incredible generosity of my sister and brother-in-law.  Theoretically, I was learning that I deserve other people’s help.  Nope, just felt guilty and in the way the whole time.

Then I got a job, but still no car.  I spent two and a half years mooching rides off people (in the suburbs and a small town–zero public transportation) so that I could learn to ask for help.  Instead, I just didn’t go anywhere.  I lived off of ramen rather than ask for a ride to get fresh food.  By the time I finally got a car, I’m pretty sure I had scurvy.4

I know intellectually that we’re supposed to be community and that I at least need to trust that the people who love me want to help me.  I’m trying.  I really am.  But whenever I ask for something (or even feel that by my very life I’m asking for something), I feel ashamed.  And afraid that this will be the last straw, that after this ride from the airport or this stopover in your guest room or this visit for lunch you’ll realize that I’m just too much.  I know that people love me and they want to help me and that most of the time they don’t even see it as help but as friendship.  But this is the lie Satan has convinced me to believe: pretty much anybody who spends time with me is doing me a favor and I’d better not ask for too many favors.  Is anybody with me on this?  Am I just neurotic?

It all comes down to pride, of course.  Everything does.  In my pride, I don’t want to need anyone else.  I want everyone to see me as self-sufficient because then I can be the magnanimous one in the relationship and they can be the peons graced by my presence.  And when I can’t do that, well, I’d rather just suffer.

Humility doesn’t suffer in silence–humility asks for help.  Jesus asked for help in carrying his cross; why do I think I’m strong enough to carry mine alone?  When people love me and offer to help me, why can’t I rejoice in their friendship?  Why do I have to obsess over my guilt?

So right now this is what I’m really struggling with: balancing my efforts, my trust in God, and other people’s help.  I’m inclined to spend hours a day on the internet putting my whole life in order.  Which will leave me exhausted and miserable and with no idea of where to go or what to do.  On the other hand, I’m inclined to sit back and let God make things happen for me.  I know he can, I’m just pretty sure that he won’t.  He refuses just to live my life for me, more’s the pity.  I’m not at all inclined to ask people for help.  But when I took a break from work to get in some pray, the word I got was “help.”

So I’m going to try to grow in this area by asking for help.  People have been so generous with this whole new life of mine and I’m so grateful.  But some people have been asking how they can support me, so I’m going to swallow my colossal pride and tell you what I really need:

  1. Prayer: Duh.
  2. Speaking engagements: I’m loving the blogging–I’m actually shocked at how much–but I feel so drawn to public speaking.  I’m not too proud to speak to confirmation classes or groups of church ladies.  I can do youth or adults and I can talk on pretty much any topic.  Plus, you only have to pay me if you want to, so you really can’t lose!  If you work at a school or work at a church or go to a church or know someone who does one of the above, do you think you could set something up for me to come speak?  I’d really appreciate it!
  3. Connections: I know a lot of people in education and ministry, but if you know someone I don’t, do you think you could pass my blog on to them and suggest that they ask me to come speak?
  4. Publicity: I know some of you must have been sharing my blog because I’m getting more and more hits on it.  Don’t just share it because you’re my friend (which I think most of you are at this point), but if I post something that really moves you or convinces you or makes you laugh, could you share it with your friends?  I’ve got nifty sharing tools down at the bottom for you.  If you’ve got a blog yourself, it would be amazing if you’d link to mine.  Apparently search engines really care about that.  Or you could like me on Facebook–click the facebook “f” at the top of the sidebar.
  5. Computer geek stuff: My C++ teacher would be ashamed of me if he knew how technologically inept I am now, but the SEO business is killing me.  Why are there over 2000 results for “Meg Hunter-Kilmer”?  Why doesn’t this page show up till page 4?  Why can’t I google all my individual posts?  Why doesn’t googling these questions get me decent answers??
  6. Advice/suggestions: Maybe you started a career like this and you’ve got some thoughts.  Or maybe you know how to use social media to advertise yourself.  Or maybe you’ve never made it to the end of one of my posts and want to tell me to keep it short.  Bearing in mind that I can be appallingly sensitive, could you give me your thoughts?  I can be reached through the contact me page or via facebook.

I hate asking for help.  But I can’t do this without it.  Feel free to ignore and just keep reading the blog–even the one hit your click adds to the stats that I check obsessively is a help.

You guys are the best!

  1. Especially my head. Have you ever noticed that? I can’t fit into a single hat at Target. Also, I might have lice now. BTW.<–my mother wants me to make sure that everyone knows that this is just a joke about how you’re not supposed to try on hats.  I don’t have lice. [↩]
  2. John and Stasi Eldredge do a great job of explaining how every woman is afraid that she’s either too much or not enough–or both, for many women–in their book Captivating. I really recommend it. [↩]
  3. which is not actually how it works [↩]
  4. My friend Nick had scurvy. I thought it was an STD that pirates got and I was really embarrassed for him. Then he told me it came from a vitamin C deficiency and I was really embarrassed for me. Probably should have known that. [↩]