Links You’ll Love (And Others That’ll Tick You Off)

With everything that went on last week, my browser still has a good 40 tabs open. I can hardly scan Facebook without opening another 5 or 6 articles that could blow my mind. But in case your Facebook friends aren’t as holy and brilliant as mine, I thought I’d share some of this past week’s highlights:

If only....
If only….

If you use pornography–ever–you have to stop. Marc Barnes will tell you why with three secular arguments against porn–brace yourself. And then click over to find some great internet resources to help you kick the habit.

After last week’s #standwithWendy debacle, it might help to know what Wendy Davis was standing for before you read a scathing letter addressed to America’s new darling.

Emily Stimpson is spot on with her plea to our spiritual fathers to be who they were ordained to be. These lines in particular had me shouting my agreement and then awkwardly looking around the room to see if anyone had noticed:

The Church’s liturgy and architecture should reveal a richness of beauty and belief that robs the gruel fed to us by the culture of all its appeal. It should move us to love God and neighbor more. It should make us long for Heaven. It should make us sorry for our sins.

On Sundays, don’t tell me to be nice; tell me to be holy. Don’t tell me to trust God; tell me who God is. Don’t even tell me to be faithful; tell me what faithful means. Explain holiness. Explain sin. Be specific. Preach on what lust, gluttony, selfishness, laziness, pride, anger, and vanity are, why they’re bad for me, and how to avoid them. Preach the Creed. Preach the saints. Preach the story of salvation history. And preach it in all its fullness. … Don’t waste your precious 10 minutes in front of a semi-captive audience repeating fluff we can get from Oprah.

My beautiful friend Adele went to the doctor with a heavy heart and got some very good news. It’s  beautiful story and she could use a lot of prayers!

Elizabeth writes in defense of men. And while I taught her senior religion class, I can’t take any credit for her brilliance. She was incredible when she got to me–and just had a beautiful baby boy, adding to my roster of “grandchildren.”

When people in Wisconsin tell you they belong to a country parish, they're not kidding.
When people in Wisconsin tell you they belong to a country parish, they’re not kidding.

Archbishop Cordileone of San Francisco gave a phenomenal interview on homosexual unions back in March that’s more relevant now than it was then. He explains the secular case against gay marriage and what some of the consequences of its legalization might be.

R.J. Snell explains why we’re losing the culture wars. In short, we’ve found ourselves in a position where our opposition is in favor of love and equality and has a monopoly, it seems, on all the sentiments that surround them. Meanwhile we use words like telos and ontological to try to combat images of wedding dresses and happy families.

In cased you missed it with all the noise from the repeal of DOMA and the heroics of Wendy Davis, the HHS mandate made further strides last week. Archbishop Carlson of St. Louis explains why all Americans should object to it:

If government can force Catholics to pay for something we find morally wrong, why can’t it force you to participate in something you object to? You would not force a vegetarian to pay for your hamburger or an atheist to buy you a Bible, would you? Then why would you force a Catholic to pay for your contraceptives?

Still we are not going gentle–check out a letter urging Americans to stand up for religious freedom signed by Catholics, Orthodox, Protestants, Mormons, a Jew, a Vaisnava,1 and even a Scientologist. Did I miss any?

Christina gets real about learning to forgive herself. As an aside, you should really read her blog. If nothing else, read it on Fridays when she posts her links roundup for the week–half of the worthwhile things I read I find through her.

Waiting in the tabernacle

This letter begging fathers to be gentle and kind and loving with their kids could be addressed to all parents. I’ll add my own thought (having been a foster mother) that parents should do everything–everything–in their power to keep from yelling at their children in anger. And when you do, you apologize and tell them over and over how much you love them.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the Netherlands is working to legalize euthanasia for children. That’s right: allowing children to decide that it’s time to die. Don’t worry, though–parents are already allowed to euthanize their infants, so we’re not leaving entirely in the hands of children.

I’ll leave you with a heartwarming story about a father’s love. This man was livid when he found out that his second child would be born with Down Syndrome. He even tried to convince his wife to abort her. It wasn’t until months after she was born that he realized what a gift she was–and wanted to show the world. He began running marathons with her and even had “Down Syndrome” tattooed across his chest. “It’s the first thing people think when they see her. I want it to be the first thing they think when they see me, too.”

By the way–this 15-minute segment aired on ESPN. Color me impressed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4foXehDmWs&feature=player_embedded

Will you take a minute to pray for my seminarian friend Joel? St. Thomas is his patron Saint, so I try to remember him on July 3rd every year.

When in doubt, search for Caravaggio.
When in doubt, search for Caravaggio.
  1. Person who practices Hare Krishna. Yeah, I had to Google that. []

Why I Won’t Read Fifty Shades of Grey

They look pretty innocent until the handcuffs….

If you haven’t yet heard of the Fifty Shades trilogy, you probably don’t spend much time on the internet.  The series is so popular that when I put the number 5 into Google, it autofilled “50 shades of grey.”  For those of you so fortunate as to have avoided the books so far, let me summarize the first for you in the words of noted news source Wikipedia:

Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic novel by British author E. L. James. Set largely in Seattle, it is the first installment in a trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism (BDSM).

So let’s go ahead and get this out of the way: these books are not wholesome.  They are “explicitly erotic,” featuring all kinds of…sketchy practices.  And not just implied filth–graphically-described filth, stuff so bad I can barely google the novels without feeling the need to scrub my brain.  From a Christian perspective, I just don’t know how you can excuse that.

Now, I generally won’t take a stand against a book I haven’t read myself.  I wholeheartedly support Harry Potter as an innocent fantasy series because I’ve read every word.  I wasn’t even willing to condemn The Da Vinci Code until I read it–now I’m glad to warn people against it.1  So when a reader asked me to write about the book, warning Christian women away from it, I said no.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “but I can’t tell people not to read a book that I haven’t read, and I can’t read that.”

But last week, I mentioned this exchange to one of my kids.  “You can’t hide from the truth,” he said.

“I’m not afraid that these books will expose some truth that threatens my nice little Catholic world,” I said.  “I’m afraid of what they’ll do to me.  I knew The Da Vinci Code wouldn’t destroy my faith, so I wasn’t worried about reading it.  I’m not as confident that these books won’t affect me.”

Fifty Shades of Grey isn’t going to destroy your faith,” he said, giving me a kind vote of confidence.

“Alex, it’s not that I think I’m going to read these books and suddenly abandon my life of chastity for some wild S&M fantasy.  I just refuse to put myself in a situation where I’m walking up the aisle to receive communion and a graphic image of bondage sex presents itself to my imagination.  I’m not hiding from anything, I’m protecting myself.”

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t enough just not to read the books.  I may not know everything about these books (thank God!), but I know enough to take a stand.  Since I haven’t read them, I guess I can’t exactly tell you what to do.  But I can say that I wouldn’t read them for ten thousand dollars and that I really, really hope no Christian women do.

In case you’re on the edge, here’s why I won’t read these books:

  1. They’re pornographic.  People who like them call them mommy porn.  These aren’t even the books’ detractors–these are their fans!  Men who watch porn think they’re porn.  The only people who seem to insist that the books aren’t porn are people who want to believe that reading these books isn’t unchaste.2
    .
    As these books prove, something can be pornographic without having images, and it makes total sense that women would be more drawn to words than images.  While many women claim that the books have revitalized their sex lives, marriage is about so much more than sex.  It’s about love and honor and chastity and seeking holiness together.  So I don’t care what Fifty Shades has done for your sex life, it is not great for your marriage.  This isn’t just harmless fun–pornography damages marriages as well as souls.  Someone’s getting hurt.
    .
  2. Good, because most women really need to lower their standards for men.

    They’re not just erotica, they’re bondage erotica.  If I can’t even handle good old Mr. Darcy, why on earth would I want to read about a wealthy, experienced, powerful man getting a young virgin to sign a contract consenting to God knows what?  Because yeah, love is all about escape–ha–clauses and signing on the dotted line.  I know from reading articles about the book that there are safe words, whips, straps, and a “red room of pain.”  I don’t even need to read the graphic lines to have a serious problem with the image of sex and “love” that the books present.

    And yet apparently Christian Grey is such an attractive character that women are falling head over heels for the sick man.  This kind of fiction skews our idea of love to be about pain and domination.  I don’t care what happens with the love story–I refuse to make that kind of man my standard, as so many women seem to have done

  3. It’s terrible writing.  From what I’ve heard, it’s not even very well-written.  I mean, it evolved from Twilight fanfic.  That’s right–an author so devoid of ideas she sponged off of Twilight.  The books, evidently, are so full of misused words, trite language, and broken record clichés (“my inner goddess) that even the most undiscerning readers can’t help but cringe.  Honestly, I wouldn’t be interested even if they weren’t porn.

So I’m not going to touch those things with a ten foot pole.  And I feel a lot more comfortable, after all the research I’ve been doing,3 in saying that they have no place on a Christian bookshelf. Even if they’re not smut, they’re too close for Christian comfort.

I’m not condemning you if you’ve read them.  Maybe my imagination is just more vivid than most, and that’s the problem.  Likely I’m much more of a prude than most.  But I’ve got to ask: would you blush if your pastor (or mother or Sunday School teacher or friend from church) saw you reading them?  Would you snatch them from your child if she flipped to a page at random?  Do you honestly feel that these books are good for your soul?

Maybe I’m missing the mark, but when St. Paul says “flee immorality,”4 I take him seriously.  So when I see those books, I’m happy to turn and run.  And I’m hoping you’ll join me.

  1. If you’re strong in your faith, read it if you must. It’s not filth, it’s just lies. I understand that it’s fiction, but the Church is my Mother, and when someone writes a book all about how your mother is a liar and a murderer, sticking it in the fiction section doesn’t make it more palatable. []
  2. There are advocates of the book who reject the term “mommy porn” because they find the term condescending. “I’m a big girl and I read big girl porn, goshdarnit!” []
  3. God help me, I had to close some of those websites really fast. []
  4. 1 Cor 6:18 []